Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Sunday, March 11, 2012

My last night

              So last night was my last time working at the place that drives me crazy!!! I am so excited to start a new chapter! Although the place drove me nuts at times, I loved the staff there and I will stay close with them. My manager did his "hammer time dance" for me....picture this---a 7 foot tall skinny black dude jumping like 3 feet in the air bending and flapping his legs (I laughed so hard a tear almost ran down my leg lol). I think this dance was before he had to clean up the huge period blood clot off of the womens bathroom floor.... gotta love the people that come in that place, one week they are fucking in the mens room the next week they are laying blood clots in the ladies room. :)

A few customer quotes from this week:

  • "I'll take the chicken Parmagina"  (Guess he had pussy on the brain)

  • "I'll have the chicken Pomeranian"   That was V's doggie lovin table

  • Server Sarah: "Can I see your I.D.?"  customer hands her an expired I.D. "Sorry sir, your I.D. has expired so I can't serve you a drink."  Then his oh so classy girlfriend says "Can't you just check his facebook or somethin?" like really?

  • Me: "Here's your food guys enjoy"  Customer "that took a while did you go over to Applerbees to get our food?"
Ok off to enjoy the beautiful day <3

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Dirty bathroom sex..

       So I'm putting in an order at work and the girl next to me goes: " hey I don't know where the people at table 12 went, they've been gone for like 10 minutes!"  So I said "maybe they went out for a cigarette" and at that moment we saw the bathroom door swing open (men's bathroom might I add) and this pale, plump bitch walks out. She makes a silly nervous face and then quickly shuffles herself over to the ladies room. Next her date calm and collectively leaves the men's room after her. He starts eating his well done steak tips while he waits for his trashy girlfriend to clean up her wet "after sex clam".  Having sex in a family restaurants men's room ---- what crazy, nasty MuthaFucks.  Thank god it wasn't an hour earlier because we had a party of thirty people for a little boys basketball team. Pigs!  I wanted to walk by the couple and say "hey, is it just me or does it smell like sex in this bitch? "  Goodnight Y'all

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The story that just had to be told

OK here we go, about 5 years ago I worked at a gym in New Bedford. One of my favorite co-workers who was also a local boxer told us that he saw a disgusting site in the locker room bathroom. He told us that he swears that he saw one of our fellow employees masturbating on the bathroom floor. We were all like " OK Ray Ray sure". I mean would you believe that someone would take time out of there shift and please themselves in a place where children may see? It was a family gym with a daycare in it, so children use the bathrooms with their parents all the time. So about 3 weeks pass and another fellow employee comes out and went right to the manager and said "you need to call the police. We need to have this crazy fucker escorted out of here." So basically the sick fuck was sitting on the floor of the stall on top of paper towels that he laid down. He was sitting spread eagle and jerking away in his own world. Absolutely inappropriate for work. Take a lunch Break, take a cell phone break, take a gosh darn cigarette break but by no means should you take a masturbation on the bathroom fucking floor break...what the fuck!!!??? So the sick little weirdo was escorted out for all to see by the police. He is a local message therapist so be careful people. Here is a picture of what I imagined this situation looked like.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

A dinner poem

3 skank ass broads took their kids out
one yacks her hot dog and starts to pout
the bitch comes running up my way with an angry face
and yells-- my daughter ate your dang hot dog and puked all over the place
Now I need it cleaned up and I want my check
thank fucking god this isn't my table what a train wreck

for the bitch just stood there and tapped her foot on the floor
as her waiter scrubbed up the puke from the spawn of the nasty whore
they got free meals and coupons too
a four fucking dollar tip will definitely do.